You seem to have a demented view of gay lifestyle. Persistent, repeated, intrusive thoughts about your anticipated (seemingly inevitable) perpetual unhappiness are a key symptom of depression, which is a real and dangerous disease for which you can and should seek treatment.
If you're having trouble seeing how you might ever be happy, please find someone to talk to, preferably a smart, gay-friendly psychotherapist. But those feelings are also not something you have to go through alone. If you cannot love yourself for who you are right now, that's not unusual: you're a teenager figuring out your place in the world. Fall in love with someone, and you'll see it might actually be the greatest, best, most fulfilling part of your life.
You've been told it's wrong, but if you look inside yourself, you'll see it's not hurting you. If you are attracted to dudes, you're attracted to dudes. I don’t get how guys my age can just be gay? How can this not mess with your head?īy not hating who you are inside. we just tend not to settle down in rural Mississippi because we have reasonable fears for our safety and the safety of our property. I know some gay guys meet the one and settle down and have a family but it’s a tiny minority most probably die alone and sad and I don’t want to die alone and sad. That's a choice for you to make, but you're making a false dichotomy there. Is that a better life than trying to have a wife and a family? There's nothing wrong with that if that's what you want.
Some people aren't looking for a romantic connection and just want to have sex. That said, if you actually do want people to just "use you" sometimes, that's fine too. Most guys actually are looking for some kind of connection with other people and you can do just fine for yourself dating them. And although it happens, "ust getting used by who don't care about " happens everywhere, even in small towns in Mississippi.īut if you use your brain to look out for he warning signs that your Prince Charming" might not actually be so princely, you'll be okay. I moved to California at 18 and it was the best decision I ever made. I’m so confused with this whole thing? I don’t get how guys my age can just be gay? How can this not mess with your head?īut then I think to myself is moving to California or some place and just getting used by guys who don’t care about me and just use me for sex a good life? I just hide myself in music from the 70s and 80s it’s my escape then I think of all the gay guys back then and how hard they had it or how they stayed in the closet and wasted their youth but then I think to myself is moving to California or some place and just getting used by guys who don’t care about me and just use me for sex a good life? Is that a better life than trying to have a wife and a family? I know some gay guys meet the one and settle down and have a family but it’s a tiny minority most probably die alone and sad and I don’t want to die alone and sad. The guy that just wants to throw it all to hell and move far far far away because version 2 will not fly around here. The version I was brought up to be and always believed was correct, very conservative and very Christian just like all my family and friends, into hunting, fishing and the outdoors with all my “bros” and 2.
I feel like I am torn between two versions of myself….